When the Music Stops

We are currently living in the Ipod generation. We have a hard time going anywhere without our Ipods. I have even found myself running back in the house after realizing I had forgotten my illustrious prized possession though I was running late. We live for the music- I live for the music. The adrenaline rush I get when my favorite song hits my ears, the pounding beat of my heart in sync with what moves the rhythm along, the lyrics that make you want to throw up your hands or dance or even cry. But there’s something about the music that makes everything okay. I can remember a many nights blasting the music to blast out my problems or screaming fits and just escape into the music. Or you know after you’ve just broken up with the love of your life or so you thought, and you put on that song that cradles your insecurities. We’ve started political movements with our music, fought the power, and hoped for a better tomorrow with our music. And I find it so funny how the same songs that caused my parents to stop in the middle of the street and pull one another close have captivated me today and the songs that brought my ancestors to the other side still ring true in my heart today. But even though we all may have a different relationship with the music while it’s playing, isn’t it interesting how we all feel when it stops. Imagine someone coming in and pulling the electrical chord mid-dance, mid-belt, and suddenly everything stops. Suddenly you are exposed and confused and slightly upset that you are no longer guided by that beat. You have unexpectedly lost your rhythm and that groove that makes up part of who you are. And without the music, somehow your dance doesn’t make sense.

I was enjoying the music that was playing in my life until without warning November 27, 2009 that music abruptly stopped when I fell asleep at the wheel of my 2004 Gold KIA Optima and plunged head on into a giant piece of not so forgiving steel. Unaware of my fate, I immediately began to pray, clinging onto the belief that my life would not-could not end like this. Not even realizing when I had stopped singing, when I had lost control I prayed in a tongue that only the Father understands and cried out to Him for mercy. God had chosen to spare my life. He hears the music when I heard nothing. And paralyzed by pain I closed my eyes and was comforted by the rhythm of my heart. That beat that meant I was still alive.

And as my eyes opened I heard music not unfamiliar but daunting-the sounds of sirens and distant questioning. The shrieking sound of broken glass and a team of repetitive 1-2-3’s to carefully maneuver my limp body out of my car. When one makes a decision to serve God, to surrender their life fully, you do it because you become aware that you are incapable of living without God, incapable of loving without a Savior, and there lies within you a decision to choose a better way-actually the ONLY way. And because God’s ways are not like my ways, I had to believe that there was great purpose behind where I currently lied, strapped down to a painful board carried uphill to a scary destination. With parents following, I was rushed to Ft. Washington Medical Center; the 10 minute ride that seemed to take hours. Prodded and pricked, clothes slashed, and memory jerked then to be handed off to Washington Hospital Center. Though I surrendered my body, my life was never in the doctors hands. God has already seen the end of the thing and He wants me to have the faith for Him to lead me there. Just like I surrendered my body to those doctors, trusted them to put me back together while my conscious was altered and unaware, I must trust God to put this life back together again though my mind is altered and unaware.


So many thoughts ran through my mind, but one thought rang supreme. Despite the aching testimony of my body, the testimony of my mouth would speak that I was healed by the blood of Jesus. Dancing is one thing that I hold dear to my heart. I eat, sleep, and breathe it because it is my passion. I understand that it is a gift from God and that I am to use my body to bring glory and honor to God. Dance is not just my passion, but it is my livelihood and at that moment I was reminded of how quickly one’s life can change. If we are prey to the worship of our own little gods then we will be sucked in by the false doctrines that they deliver. The doctrines that apart from them, you are nothing. God said, without me you can do nothing, so nothing rocks my world better than He does. Don’t you find yourself believing the lie that something else apart from Christ defines you.

See my dancing and the music had the most beautiful relationship, a relationship that appeared threatened in the doubt of doctor’s eyes and x-ray films. But just like I had found life outside of life in the comfort of the music, I found such great hope in the Word of God that stood so firm independent of my security in the music. The awesome thing about the Word is that it is not affected by our situations. It doesn’t experience teeth shattering fear but it stares boldly in the face of adversity and always overcomes. It’s like arming yourself with a bullet proof vest in the toughest of war zones. The bullets may hit but they just bounce off. And though my faith is weak, the beat of the Word never fades. It rings loudest when others want to scream doubt and disbelief. And like a timorous child clings to their favorite teddy bear, I timorously clung onto the Word of God. The Word that said “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jer. 29:11)

See your future bright my child though you do not understand, trust my voice even when you hear faint, trust my Word though for a moment your world has shifted. You will dance and need no music, and your dance, as long as I am your partner will always make sense. So, with hands intertwined, my partner led me to the beat of even more sirens, more questioning, and the palpitating of a racing heart. And though I have been sown up, I still need to be sowed in daily to the intricate handiwork of the master surgeon who still sees the wounds of my soul. The wounds that no one sees from the outside and bigger than any natural bandage could patch. I smile grateful for the life that I get to continue to live. Even with faint eyes, while a needle injected blood into my body; how awesome the redemptive power of Christ that gives me blood that keeps on giving. Blood that doesn’t needed to be tested for disease, because with it He destroyed disease. This process has exposed even more my humanness, but how alive in Christ I really am. And though my body riddles with pain at the onset of dawn, how new are His mercies in the morning.

And though you may not see it, I am dancing. And though I don’t hear the music like I heard it before, Christ is giving me new melodies. I tried to hold onto that familiar tune, but I had to let it go. I had to let go so that God could take control.
But I mean who really needs music to dance when Christ is your partner.